Open Arms
by SmileRose
Summary: Ana wants a baby, Christian doesn't. Ana does the unthinkable! (Well, it's unthinkable in my stories!) She leaves him. What happens next? Read on to find out. This one-shot is part of the FSOG Lyric Wheel Challenge Part II.


**CPOV**

"Thanks John, I really do appreciate it. I know what I need to do. I only hope Ana can forgive me." I say to Flynn as I end the call.

I feel the liquor burn as it slowly travels down my throat. I down one shot and then another and as I prepare to pour myself one final shot for the night, I still as I try to make sense of my life or rather what was my life. This is my sad and pathetic attempt to numb myself once more, longing to fill the void within my soul. It's the same routine, night after night. I walk around our home, though if I'm being perfectly honest with myself, this place is no longer a home. It has not been a home since my Ana left me. It's a house on the sound, a big empty house and this empty house seems so cold...

Our first official year together as husband and wife was bliss. I never knew that I could be so fucking happy. Ana coming into my life was the best thing that ever happened to me, she turned my darkest nights into the brightest days. I knew that I wanted her forever, I wanted her always, I wanted her to stay. We've only been married for one year and she left me. This is my life without my one and only love.

I'm pathetic. I'm no good. I'm worthless. Ana saw something in me and I still don't understand what it was that she saw, I am a shell of a man, that is who I am.

Self-loathing is nothing new to me. I've always hated myself, it's something that I've lived with since I was a child, but now, that hate is ebbed so deep down inside of me, I know that I will not recover from my loss. I've lost my reason for living, Ana is the reason that I wake up every morning. I've never lived until I met Anastasia.

I was a fool to think that Ana could ever love me. I could never be enough for her. I'm a husk of man, a damaged fucked up man with no soul, no heart, no light and no life. When Ana left, she took what she gave me, my soul, my heart, her light and her life. Everything good that I was, existed in me because of Ana.

The irony is, Ana always thought that she would ever be enough for me, but I knew truth. I could never be enough for her. I tried to love her, I truly did and we were happy for a while. I was in love with Ana but I couldn't see, I was blinded by my love for her and she was blinded by her love for me. How could our love be so blind?

I think back to my existence before Ana came in to my world. I built an empire for myself and as my empire grew, so did the wall that I built around myself. I refused to let anyone in, aside from my family, and even they knew very little about me. I kept my family at arm's length, not letting them in, not letting them so much as touch me. I couldn't tolerate touch, not from my family not from anyone, except my sister Mia. Ana then came in to my life and that all changed, I was able to hug Grace without feeling the burning pain in my chest. Ana taught me how to free myself from the pain. Pain is all I knew, pain is all I wanted to give to those women before Ana tripped into my world.

I didn't have relationships with women, I had contracts. I kept things simple, I put everything in writing so there wouldn't be any type of misunderstanding. I needed for them to know that we had, was nothing more than a business transaction. I was desperately trying to fill the hole inside of me, never finding satisfaction in the endless amounts of women that I fucked. I disgust myself just thinking about the type of person that I was.

Ana changed that, she turned my world upside down.

Why did we argue? Why did we fight? I'm such a fool. Ana wanted children and I wasn't ready for that type of commitment. My fear of being a father, far outweighed the fear that I might lose her. She said how much having a family would mean to her and I didn't take her seriously. I wanted to buy some time, actually what I really wanted was to buy her love, as I didn't think I was worthy of simply having her love offered up to me on a silver platter. How could someone as sweet and as kind as Ana love someone like me? I had to show her that I was worthy of her love, even if it meant I had to buy her love to prove it. I wanted to give her the world only Ana wasn't interested in the world. I can still hear her beautiful but sad voice echoing in my mind...

_"I only want you Christian, you and our children. **You** are my world, **our children** would be our world. Please Christian, if you could only see yourself the way I see you. You're good and kind and you have a huge heart. You have so much love to give."_

I should have given her a baby, if I had, she wouldn't have left me!

I pour myself another drink and take my glass and bottle to our bedroom. If I drink enough tonight I'll be sure to pass out. I will then find solace in my sleep, solace in my dreams. I will dream of my former life, my life with Ana. Our nightly routine of sleeping together, together in the nude. Ana and I decided from the time that we were married to sleep in the nude. It was after all, how we always ended up sleeping together after a night of fucking and or very passionate love-making. I lay down on our bed and I close my eyes, letting the liquor run through my veins. I can see it all now. I will be lying beside here, here in the dark, feeling her heartbeat with mine. I pull Ana close to me, feeling her soft supple breasts against my chest...

_"God Ana, I love you. I love you so much baby."_

_She whispered softly to me, she was so sincere, "I love you too Christian, always."_

_"I never knew I could feel like this, you are my world baby."_

_"Christian? Speaking of baby, have you given any thought to what I mentioned to you?"_

_I stiffened up immediately, knowing exactly where this conversation was headed._

_"Can we talk about this in the morning?" I asked._

_Ana sighed and said, nothing. She held me close and said, "I love you Christian, I will always love you."_

_I awoke in the morning to find her bags packed and she's about to walk out the door._

_"Ana, what are you doing? Where are you going?" I asked as I felt my heart-break._

_"Christian, I'm sorry. I've been patient with you and I've tried talking to you about my feelings but you don't or won't acknowledge them. I'm tired of you pushing our conversation aside."_

_"I'm sorry Ana, please. Let's talk, let's talk now. I'm ready." I begged._

_"No Christian, it's too late. I wanted to talk to you, I was desperate, I was willing to see Doctor Flynn with you, but you kept pushing me away. Well, congratulations Christian, you've finally won. You don't have to push me away anymore. I'm leaving."_

_"Ana, I love you, don't leave me. You promised me you wouldn't leave me."_

_"I know you love me Christian and I love you too and that's why I have to do this. I can't stay here, I'll only get angry with you because you promised we that we would talk soon. That was three months ago, Christian. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, but I'm done waiting. Perhaps this time alone will allow you to search your feelings, maybe if I don't force the issue, you will see Doctor Flynn on your own terms and not mine."_

_"No Ana, please don't do this. I need you Ana. Please! Don't leave me."_

_"Christian! Christian!"_

_Oh no! It's him, he's back. He's going to hurt me again. Mommy, please help me...he's here. Please help me!_

_"Christian! Christian!"_

_No! No! I feel myself tremble, I'm four years old again and I'm hiding in the bath tub. He won't find me here, he never takes a bath, he smells so bad._

**APOV**

As I approach our bedroom I hear Christian screaming. Oh my poor husband. My heart breaks just thinking about what he's been through since I've left. It's been less than four days but it feels like a life time. The visit with my mom helped me gain perspective. She said I can't run away and demanded that I go back and talk to Christian. She also said that the longer we maintain radio silence, the more difficult it will be for us to work through our issue. I rush to our bedroom and see my poor beautiful husband, still dressed in his suit pants and dress shirt, curled up in a fetal position.

"No, please. I'm scared." Christian whispers.

I rush to his side and gently touch his face, I don't want to startle him by shaking him out of his nightmare.

"Christian, please wake up. It's ok baby. I'm here." I whisper lightly in his ear.

"No, please don't hurt me." Christian responds quietly.

"It's me baby. It's Ana."

Christian's eyes open suddenly and he quickly sets up on the bed.

"Ana! Thank God you're back! I mean, you are back, right? Please tell me this isn't a dream. You're really here? You aren't...oh God, you're not coming back for the rest of your things are you? I can't live without you."

"Christian, slow down. I'm not going anywhere. I just needed some time, you know, to cool off and clear my head."

"Ana please forgive, I'm a fool. Of course I want to have babies with you. I was being selfish."

"Oh Christian, do you mean it? I mean are you really sure about this?" I ask needing to know that he is sincere, especially now.

"Ana, I was an ass. I had no right to treat you like that but...you have to understand baby, I've never felt this way before, I am in love with you and I have a difficult time as it is, sharing you with your friends and my family. I was thinking only of myself, I don't want to share you with anyone else. If you were to have a child, where would that leave me Ana?"

"Christian, you can't think that way...I love you and..."

"Ana, please. Let me finish. I've thought a lot about it and I realized one of the many reasons that I fell in love with you is, your heart. You have such a huge capacity to love. I still cannot believe that you love me. I didn't think anyone could do that, but I know you have a huge heart and you have more than enough love for our children was well as myself. Say the word Ana, you want a baby, I'll give one, two, hell I'll give you as many as you want. We'll start right now if you like?"

I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I'm speechless and I know that he's sincere. My heart is full.

"Ana, do you remember when you asked me who taught me how to dance?"

I merely nod as I recall his reply. It still hurts even now...Elena, the snake, the child molester taught him how to dance.

"I remember the look on your face. You have that same look now and it hurts me so much. What hurt even more was your reply. It broke my heart. I don't dare mention that woman's name. I'm merely trying to make a point. You were so crushed, wondering if there was anything that you could teach me since I was the once with all the sexpertise."

I feel my heart breaking once more, I've taught him nothing. "Christian, why bring this up now? I don't want to think about that moment."

"Oh baby, don't you see? You, my darling Ana, taught me how to love."

I'm gobsmacked...

Those simple words uttered by my wonderful and sexy as hell husband, _"You, my darling Ana, taught me how to love."_

"Ana? Baby, say something."

Christian's voice brings me back and I cannot contain the joy that's flowing through me. I launch myself at my husband and knock him on his back with me on top of him. I pepper him with kisses as I say, "Oh Christian, I knew you'd come around. I'm not leaving you, I could never leave you. You, are my world and our children will be our world as well."

Our kiss changes from one of relief to one of passion. Christian grabs my ass and bucks up against me. I immediately feel his arousal.

"Now about that baby? Shall we get started?" Christian moans, kissing me deeper, making me moist with desire. Oh dear, I have missed my husband.

"Oh yes please. I want you to take me, husband of mine."

"And take you I will. Here I am, with open arms baby. I've got nothing to hide. Please believe what I say."

"Oh Christian, I do love you...so very much."

"I love you too Ana. I hope you can see, what your love means to me."

"I know what your love means Christian, believe me I know."

We start stripping our clothes off like horny teenagers and quickly get naked in bed. Christian brings me close to him, our bodies connected, skin to skin. Oh fucking my, this feels so good. I bury my head in his strong chest and inhale. How I've missed my home.

Christian whispers lightly in my ear, "I'm going to make slow sweet love to you baby."

I don't feel like making love. I missed my husband and I want to fuck, I want to fuck him and I want him to fuck me...hard!

"Hey, why the frown?"

Oh shoot, he knows something is up. Well, I know what I want and I won't hold back. Christian has also taught me to stop being so shy about my needs, though truth be told, I'm never left wanting, when it comes to my mans sexual skills, he always makes sure I'm taken care of.

"Well," I say, as I feel myself blushing. Geez, this is still hard for me to say. I'm a married woman, why is this difficult for me to say?! Just say it! "The thing is...I was sort of looking forward to make up sex and well...slow and sweet is the furthest thing from my mind."

Christian is smirking, he's obviously amused. "Oh, what is it you want baby? Tell me."

I feel my face burning as I say, "I want fast and hard."

"Baby, I don't want to fuck you, if we're going to make a baby, I want our baby made during love-making."

"Well Christian, here's the thing..." I say as I smile at my husband, the father of the baby that's growing inside of me.

I slowly grab his hand and place it on my belly...

"Ana?!"

"Yes daddy?" I say.

"Ana! Oh baby!"

The End

**"Open Arms" by Journey**

_Lying beside you_  
_Here in the dark_  
_Feeling your heartbeat with mine_  
_Softly you whisper_  
_You're so sincere_  
_How could our love be so blind_  
_We sailed on together_  
_We drifted apart_  
_And here you are_  
_By my side_

_So now I come to you_  
_With open arms_  
_Nothing to hide_  
_Believe what I say_  
_So here I am_  
_With open arms_  
_Hoping you'll see_  
_What your love means to me_  
_Open arms_

_Living without you_  
_Living alone_  
_This empty house seems so cold_  
_Wanting to hold you_  
_Wanting you near_  
_How much I wanted you home_

_But now that you've come back_  
_Turned night into day_  
_I need you to stay_

_So now I come to you_  
_With open arms_  
_Nothing to hide_  
_Believe what I say_  
_So here I am_  
_With open arms_  
_Hoping you'll see_  
_What your love means to me_  
_Open arms_

**A/N**

**As you can see, my song was Journey's "Open Arms." I hope you enjoyed it! **

***Special thanks to Marpuri for the song selection. Maraming salamat! :D**

**Cheers,**

**Rosie **


End file.
